lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
