there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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