I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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