Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
