Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
