Screwed.edu
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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