I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
