you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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