i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
We are two peas in an std pod
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Randomize
