i just wanna soil my oats bro
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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