If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
