I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
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