i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Randomize
