haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
