dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
