drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
