clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
