I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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