8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
