I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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