I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
This baby is an asshole
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
