he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
