I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i think i just lost a toe
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
