I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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