We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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