3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
