Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
