If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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