Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Randomize
