Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
