I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
