I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
How does one acquire holy water?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
