my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
