i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
