You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
