Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Send help, water and tortillas.
They are going to name an STD after you.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
