rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i barfeds in our rink
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
