There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
