He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I need a beard to bite.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
