He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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