I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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