I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
