I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
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