You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
