cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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