Sry I called you an 8
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
