Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
bring money and cleavage
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
