halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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