the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
