Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Less talking, more tequila
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I need to calm my uterus...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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