I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
