Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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