why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
