Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
