life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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