Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
