its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
