here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
