Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize