I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
