I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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