I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
